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How do I start?

You can contact The Oaks Counselling & Consulting by email at info@oakscounselling.com or telephone at 905-845-4646. We will do our best to get back to you within 24 hours and answer any questions you may have regarding the therapy process.

How long and how often are the therapy sessions?

We offer 50-minute counselling sessions with the frequency to be determined by you.

How does therapy work?

Therapy can help connect you with these emotions in a safe, healing way. Building trust with your therapist takes time and is an important element of the therapy relationship. It is important that you feel safe in order to share your experiences with your therapist.  This is why it is important to choose a therapist with whom you feel comfortable. As you feel more comfortable sharing personal experiences with your therapist, meaningful change can occur.

Will my therapist give me advice or tell me what to do?

Therapists try not to offer advice. At times, a therapist may make suggestions regarding other resources that might be beneficial to you. Often times through the process of therapy, the client acheives greater clarity in order to move forward.

When do I know I am finished therapy?

When you feel you have nothing further to work through and seeing your therapist feels neutral for you.

Are your fees covered by insurance?

Some insurance companies cover Social Work services. Please check your insurance coverage.

What is Relational Psychotherapy?

Therapists at The Oaks Counselling & Consulting have training in Relational Psychotherapy, as well as a Master’s degree in Social Work.  Relational psychotherapy views past and present relationships as central to life difficulties.  Relational Psychotherapy can help people create new ways of understanding themselves and relating to others through the empathy and connection in the therapy relationship. For more information – www.tirp.ca

What about trauma & addiction?

According to Dr. Daniel Seigle, author of “Mind Sight”, “The Whole Brained Child” and “The Mindful Brain”, trauma is defined as any experience that overwhelms our capacity to cope.  Past trauma can greatly reduce the capacity for healthy relationship.  Many people seek out substances, use compulsive behaviours or seek out emotionally unavailable partners to soothe the emotional disregulation or to re-enact unresolved trauma in a misguided attempt at healing the past.  Trauma re-enactment only serves to reinforce addicted patterns.  Professional help to resolve trauma is always recommended.


What is EMDR?

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is an integrative psychotherapy approach that has been extensively researched and proven effective for the treatment of trauma. EMDR is a set of standardized protocols that incorporates elements from many different treatment approaches. To date, EMDR therapy has helped millions of people of all ages relieve many types of psychological stress.


What is sex addiction?

Sexual addiction has also been called sexual dependency, sexual compulsivity and hypersexual disorder. By any name, it is a compulsive behavior that completely dominates the addict’s life. Sexual addicts make sex a priority more important than family, friends, and work. Sex becomes the central role of an addict’s life. They are willing to sacrifice what they cherish most in order to preserve and continue their unhealthy behavior. People act out their addiction in a wide variety of ways, including strip clubs, masturbation, hiring prostitutes, watching porn, and random sex partners.

How do I know if I am a sex addict?

Take the SAST or Love Addiction screening test. Ask yourself, “Am I repeatedly engaging in sexual behaviors that I cannot stop even though I want to stop, that leave me feeling shame and guilt, that involve living a double life with secrets and lies, that may lead to negative consequences?” If yes, and you cannot stop, there is a strong chance that you are addicted.

What is love and relationship addiction?

Love and relationship addiction occurs when a person becomes dependent on the object of their love. While sex addicts are addicted to the “high” of being aroused, love addicts are addicted to the “high” of feeling in love. Like any drug of choice, maintaining this love “high” becomes the focus of the love addict’s life. When love is lost, this can result in feelings of anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. Love addicts often put partners’ needs before their own well-being and try to control the partner to get their needs met.

How do I know if I am a love addict?

A key way to identify dependent love is how a person feels when the other shows disapproval. In love addiction, when the love object threatens to leave, the love addict shows desperate behaviors.  Love addiction may feel self-sacrificing. Dependent love is actually self-serving and a way to avoid deep feelings. For more information, take the Love Addiction Screening Test.

How could my partner do this to me?

Your partner’s sex addiction is not your fault.  The destruction of sex addiction would hurt anyone in a relationship with your partner.  At its root, sex addiction is an intimacy disorder.  This is the result of poor childhood attachment with one’s family.  Also, trauma at any age can result in a sexual addiction that is used as a form of escape from problems.  Sex addicts are powerless over their compulsive behaviors due to deeply ingrained addictive thought patterns.

What’s the difference between sex or love addiction and a high sex drive?

Addiction involves continuing a behavior a person wants to stop, but they feel unable to stop even when there are clear negative consequences to the actions taken. A high sex drive may be related to high levels of hormones, or other factors. One does not automatically equal the other.

What’s the connection between sex addiction and infidelity?

Many sex addicts first get into treatment after being discovered for an act of infidelity in a committed relationship. Not everyone who cheats on a partner is a sex addict; although an exposed affair meets several of the criteria for diagnosis as it involves secrets, lies, and negative consequences. Good psychotherapy can uncover whether infidelity is the result of a recurring pattern of sex addiction, which can involve obsessive sexual thoughts and/or behaviors, or whether infidelity is a result of a lack of emotional intimacy.

What should I do if the addict denies he or she has a problem?

Denial is very common with addicts. Proof of sex, love or substance addiction (emails, texts, empty bottles, etc.) sometimes isn’t enough for an addict to admit that the situation is beyond their control. There is a saying that “If an addict’s not ready for recovery, there’s nothing you can say that will help them; and when they are ready, there’s nothing you can say that won’t help them.”  Ignoring or avoiding the reality of addiction will not make it better. It’s important to protect your own emotional integrity, and sometimes this may result in the end of a relationship. The best thing you can do for yourself and for your addicted partner is to reach out for help.

Can partners get help even if the sex addict doesn’t?

Yes. Betrayal is traumatic and therefore it is in everyone’s best interest to heal from symptoms that are often similar to PTSD. Typical forms of support include individual, group and intensive therapies.

Is there recovery for addiction to sex?

Yes. Excellent protocols have been developed to help people of all backgrounds recover and develop healthy sexual intimacy. When a person is committed to making real changes, lasting and rewarding recovery is available.

What does it mean that addictive sex is an intimacy problem?

When sexual addiction is referred to as an intimacy disorder, this means that a sex addict’s psychological pattern for healthy intimacy is disordered. “Intimacy” corresponds to the verb “to intimate,” which means to make known. Intimate knowledge in any relationship requires two key aspects: to be able to know oneself, and to be able to freely share and receive this knowledge. All human beings share a basic need to connect through intimacy. This ability to connect can become disordered through trauma, but usually for most addicts this ability was disordered in early childhood. If childhood attempts to connect with healthy intimacy were prevented or impossible, the resulting isolation develops an ever-increasing need for alternative methods of self-soothing.  In adulthood, sex addiction is one such method of self-medication. A frustrated inability to dependably connect with healthy intimacy in primary relationships drives the sex addict to connect in unhealthy ways that further reinforce the basic inability to connect. This kind of irrationality underlies the tragedy of untreated sex addiction.